Dear Santa,
I’ve been pretty good this year … okay, maybe just a bit better than average … so I have a pretty modest wish list for you. The great thing about this list is that you don’t have to rush the elves to GET ‘ER DONE by 12/25. Nope, this list can be accomplished over several weeks … even months, if not years. Okay … coming clean here … some of the items are nearly miracles, so you might want to get some help from YOU KNOW WHO. So this is what I want, in no particular order, but the most important stuff is definitely at the end:
I want Brian Kelly and Notre Dame football to be consistently in the Top 10 conversation during his tenure, recognizing of course that 2010 will be a challenging transition year. Top 10 … I think that’s “reasonable” … it’s not like I’m asking for two or three national titles or anything. Your other customers, like Crossword Pete, will be demanding titles … so beware. Don’t get me wrong … I am in favor of titles … but of course ya gotta crawl before walking.
)
“#1 Moses” on the campus of Notre Dame
While I’m on the subject of ND sports, I’d like a new basketball coach. Mike Pray, er uh Brey, just doesn’t seem to have what it takes to have the Irish even consistently in the Top 25. He’s had about 10 years to prove his worth, not to mention the last 3-4 years with one of the all-time great ND players and and All-American, Luke Harangody. Time for a change … Pray’s teams are way too soft on the defensive end … just like Charlie UnWeis’s teams. If Gonzaga and Butler can get there, so can the Irish.
Okay … speaking of soft and cushy … Lovie Smith and his entire coaching staff must be replaced on the Chicago Bears. Nope … changed my mind … I’d like for the Bears to be sold to another owner. The McCaskeys have totally wiffed on personnel and management decisions since letting Jerry Vainisi (the GM with Ditka) go back in the 80’s. They are cheaper than cheap and oh for the last two decades. Time for new blood … and a winning tradition.
Speaking of cheap SKATES (hah!), I’d like a Stanley Cup Championship for the Chicago Blackhawks, thereby ending one of the longest championship droughts in pro sports (1963). Actually, the Hawks have turned the corner and are reallyy investing in the team for a change … and the Hawks are playing great … they’re on top of their division and showing lots of promise. A title could actually happen this season or next.
Effective with the 2010 season, I want an 8 team college football playoff!!! There is no (good) reason why this cannot be implemented quicky right into the existing bowl system. It’s about time that New Year’s Day meant something again. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to see 4 games on that day that actually counted??? And then 3 more after that. Wow … a no brainer!
IN the meantime, I want to see the so-called national title game be tied at 3-3 and go into 6 or more over times without anyone scoring. Okay … someone will eventually win, but Texas and Bama will be found sooooo incompetent that the AP will rightly award their championship votes to the winner of the TCU vs Boise State game.
I’d like the Indy Colts to go undefeated for the entire season and win the Super Bowl. I want to see them do what the NE Patriots and even those ’72 Dolphins failed to do. A perfect 19-0 title run. What a fitting prize that would be for one of the greatest QB’s we’ve ever seen. If not this for the Colts, a Saints title will do … that town deserves a break.
I want the Chicago Bulls to blow it up and start over. It’s just embarrassing since MJ left. Nuff said.
I want NASCAR to disband. Let’s save all that effort, money and fuel and give it to the needy, the hungry, the homeless. How anyone can waste hours watching cars on steroids make repeated left turns and get into little fender benders is just beyond me. Get rid of it, move on.
I want Phil Mickelson to steal Tiger’s caddy while he’s on “sabbatical”. Phil and his new infidel caddy will be on top of the PGA tour when Tiger returns in … who knows … 3-4 months. Let’s see how Woods likes it. (We all know that it’s Tiger’s caddy that’s the real key to his golfing success anyway … who do you think reads all those putts???).
I want to see Kentucky win the Final Four and Nat’l Championship this season … and not be put on probation or found to have committed violations of some type. So you’ll have to turn Calipari into an angel. I know … a near miracle.
I want at least one of them — the Cubs or the White Sox — to battle EVERY YEAR in their division and at least contend for the playoffs into September. Is that asking too much??? It’s two teams in a huge market … it should not be that difficult.
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Last but certainly not least …
I’d like all of our troops overseas and in the middle east to return safely.
I’d like the hungry to be fed and the sick to be cured.
I sincerely hope all of our brothers and sisters on the pickin’ splinters bench … and their friends and families … have a wonderful holiday season plus a healthy and happy New Year!
Thanks, Santa!
Wally
p.s. — a rush on that “ND football transformation” would be cool 😉
Ho ho ho, that’s quite a list there little feller. I’ll see what I can do, but there are a few tricky ones here. I don’t have any problem helping Chicago. My sleigh always catches a good draft over the midway. It’s not called the windy city for nothing. Ho Ho Ho! But it’ll have to be the Sox or Cubs. Jay Cutler got an early Christmas gift when he begged out of Denver. How do they say – he dug his grave. Now he has to lie in it.
As for Bryan Kelly and his time in South Bend. Ho ho ho – If you get a couple of top ten finishes, are you going to up the ante? Besides, that ‘sees you when you’re sleeping, knows when you’re awake’ stuff – that’s real. You’re gonna have to be a good little boy this year. If you promise no cussing during ND games, I’ll see what I can do.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!!!!!!!!!
Aw gee Wally, I’m so excited, I can hardly sleep. Now I come to Pickin’ Splinters, and Santa was here? Jiminy Crickets!!!!!
I’m leaving one of Aunt Bea’s pies for Santa. What are you gonna leave him for a snack?
I’m glad the hungry, the sick and our troops at least made it on the list…I was getting a little worried there. I don’t even know what those other things are at the top of the list…but I hope you get all that you want (or at least what you deserve). Fair Warning: You are gonna get in big trouble on that NASCAR thing if you ever say that while visiting me in Indiana. I think Santa drives one of those things, too. XOXOX!
Santa already gave me my wish; Brian Kelly. The wins will now come naturally, including 10-2 or better next year and a BCS bowl! I’m with your sister; watch the NASCAR bashing. I heard they are going to get a race in Alaska soon; but not before you return to the mainland. Dang (as we say in NASCAR)! Besides the Blackhawks, some pretty tall orders with those Chi-town pro teams. Good luck on THAT one. BTW Saint Nick, Chicago is called the windy city because the people are windbags. Still doesn’t get them much on the pro front however. Merry Christmas to all!
Heard Jimmy Johnson was voted AP Athlete of the Year. I’m thinkin’ … Jimmy Johnson ??? The pork-faced Satan and former coach of the Miami Hurricanes and Dallas Cowboys??? He’s been retired for at least a decade! How the heck did he win Athlete of the Year????
Ooooooohhhhhhh …. it’s that other Jimmy Johnson … one of those guys that drives in circles in one of those suped up tin cans. Boy… He MUST be a helluvan “athlete”!!!! I bet he couldn’t even make a layup …. or actually run a lap without needing a pit stop. Spare me the NASCAR @!#%@!#$%!!!!!!!!!!!
Ho ho ho! Maybe I should have included NASCAR with my caveat about cussing. 🙂 C’mon now little feller some understanding and tolerance could go a long way. You know those drivers have to be at least as athletic as those guys chasing around little white balls on the fairways and greens.
Amen Santa!!
Wally, if NASCAR drivers aren’t athletic, then why aren’t more people trying to line up to join NASCAR and drive a car 200++ mph?? I am not a huge fan of the sport and don’t have any interest in watching – but I certainly have respect for anyone that is a NASCAR driver.
And if people want to make the argument that golfers aren’t athletes. I dare anyone to go play 4 rounds in 4 days and walk the course every day. I did something similar this fall in November, playing 3 rounds in 3 days and walked the course on all 3.. Shot an 85 on the first day, shot a 90 the next day and the third day was a little worse. Not as easy as it looks..
Smiity —
Must the lecture continue??? The reason more people aren’t lined up at the NASCAR job co-op is because they value both their time and their lives. That’s like asking why more people aren’t lined up to charge that hill in Afghanistan or fly on a rocket to Mars … just because you can go real fast and it’s dangerous doesn’t mean everyone is crazy enough to do it or that it’s a good idea in general … and it certainly doesn’t mean it’s “athletic”. You were amused by shiny rocks as a kid, weren’t ya?
The “athletic” part of golf is not about walking the course. It’s about coordinating all those movements in the swing with perfect timing, strength and rythym to propel that little white ball 550+ yards in only 3 swings to within 5 ft of the cup. The golf swing itself is the big challenge and it takes a ton of athleticism to do it at a PGA tour level of competence. The only thing harder to do in sports is bat .300 vs major league pitching.
“It’s about coordinating all those movements in the swing with perfect timing, strength and rythym…” now try that at 200mph.
I have been reduced to supporting NASCAR. See what you do Wally!
Floor it, turn left, floor it, turn left, floor it, turn left …. stop to get gas and gallon of milk … floor it, turn left, floor it, turn left, floor it turn left …. stop to check tire pressure and get gas plus loaf of bread … floor it, turn left, floor it turn left …Floor it, turn left, floor it, turn left, floor it, turn left …. stop to get gas and gallon of milk … floor it, turn left, floor it, turn left, floor it turn left …. stop to check tire pressure and get gas plus loaf of bread … floor it, turn left, floor it turn left .Floor it, turn left, floor it, turn left, floor it, turn left …. stop to get gas and gallon of milk … floor it, turn left, floor it, turn left, floor it turn left …. stop to check tire pressure and get gas plus loaf of bread … floor it, turn left, floor it turn left ….
Bored yet???
Wally, you are arguing two points here. I don’t think any of us are saying we like the sport.. Personally, I can’t stand NASCAR.. I agree it is boring. But I just give credit to NASCAR drivers for being athletes. Not my cup of tea, but you have to have the same hand/eye coordination to handle 30 or 40 cars vying for checkered flag in a small area – all while going 200+ mph.
So are wrestlers from the WWE just great entertainers or athletes. By your comparison.. because most people don’t go to Afghanistan because they are afraid to die – they wouldn’t get in the ring or carry a football – and therefore doesn’t make wrestlers or football players – athletes.
How about kids who ride their bikes and performs tricks? Athletic? Or because most people aren’t crazy and value their health – those kids aren’t athletes either?
How about professional surfers?
As for golfers – completely agree with you. That was part of my argument – just didn’t articulate it at all.. Walk all over a course ( on average 7-8 miles), stop and hit a ball perfectly and have it land exactly where you want it to.
I just cannot understand how Jimbob Johnson, a nascar DRIVER, is the “ATHLETE of the year”. I’m totally disgusted by the thought of a car DRIVER winning this award. Armegeddon can’t be too far behind.
Secretariat was Athlete of the Year in 1973, and you, Wally, do not believe horses are any more athletes than are race car drivers. Fact is, right or wrong, the people who voted in 1973 and the people who voted in 2009 do not agree with you. I have always maintained that we all have the right to be wrong. In this case I am not sure who is exercising that right, but so be it!
I’d give it to the horse before I would a car driver … at least the horse does most of the work in that case. Jimbob’s mechanic is probably more deserving than he is!
Wally,
Is it cinder block or dry wall?
Wally,
If you aren’t nice – Santa won’t send you a turducken for Christmas..
I think the Jimmy Johnson selection as Athlete of the Year is appropriate in 2009. Although he may drive around in circles, he isn’t hitting any fire hydrants like the Athlete of the Decade, Tiger Woods. Wally, you are missing the point about Nascar. Its not about watching them go in cirlces, its about staying tuned in waiting for a 30 car pileup…
You better be good for goodness sake.
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