Unofficial Yet Satirically Unabashed Heisman Watch | Week 4 of ’11

On the Cover: Steve McNair, Football, Alcorn State Braves Photographed by: Al Tielemans courtesy of the Vault
A weekly rundown from a tepid football fan of the best and worst college football has to offer, some serious but mostly requisite raillery due to basketball deprivation

1. Robert Griffin III QB (Baylor)

Weekly stats: 29-33, 338 yards, 5 TD/0INT; 51 yards rushing, 1 TD
Overall: Leads FBS in passer rating at 236.2; has not thrown an interception

Griffin III and the Baylor Bears’ offense continues to just absolutely shred anyone in their path. Granted, they haven’t played a BCS school even though TCU’s defense is supposed to be stout, but that shouldn’t matter until they actually do. Still have to put up unreal numbers to make the trip to New York City. And if your case against Griffin is about who he’s played, it didn’t affect Alcorn State’s Steve McNair from getting invited in 1994. Besides, Griffin will get his shot starting next week against Kansas State.

2. Russell Wilson QB (Wisconsin)

Weekly stats: 19-25, 345 yards, 3 TD/0 INT
Overall: Has Badgers ranked 6th in nation in points averaged with 48.6 a game

I will reiterate: He made a below average NC State team competitive and feared in the ACC. How is NC State doing without him, and with a supposed “star” quarterback as his replacement? They’re 2-2 having lost big to Cincinnati, 44-14. Not that the Wolfpack’s quarterback, Mike Glennon, isn’t good. Wilson just has that extra little something that can make something out of nothing at any moment. That’s fun to watch.

5. Mother Nature (Planet Earth)

Weekly stats: no known delays or cancellations
Overall: Caused Tulsa-Oklahoma State game to start after midnight and end around 3:30am in week 3

She just didn’t show her prowess this week. She’s still getting invited to New York at this point because, well, she can cancel the whole ceremony if she so chooses. However, she better step up in week 5 and bring more than just an overcast sky to keep the invite from being rescinded.

8. Justin Blackmon WR (Oklahoma State)

Weekly stats: 11 receptions, 121 yards, 1 TD
Overall: a good guy

The Cowboys upended Texas A&M 30-29 to keep themselves perched in the national championship picture. Blackmon is touted as the most NFL-ready player perhaps in college football. More importantly, however, is his big heart:

9. LaMichael James RB (Oregon)

Weekly stats: 288 yards rushing, 2 TD
Overall: Currently leads FBS in rushing yards with 613; averaging nearly 9.5 yards per carry

This is a big jump from #53 in week 1. Have to give him credit and point out my own prognostication that he’d eventually play a few bad teams and put up video game numbers. He has 65 carries this year. The 2nd and 3rd leading rushers in the nation each have about 100 carries. He’s good, but luckily he doesn’t play in the SEC.

10. Georgia Tech’s triple option (ACC)

Weekly stats: 312 rushing yards and 10-16 3rd down conversions
Overall: 4-0 and may crack the top-20

The Yellow Jackets defeated North Carolina 35-28. They are 4-0 for the first time since 1990, which was also their national championship year. Can they run the table? It has to be possible in the ACC. They draw Clemson and Virginia Tech in back-to-back to weeks. If they can get by them, who knows?

Why so high, you may ask? Their offense! The old school triple option has to be the “daggum funnest” offense to watch when the other team doesn’t know how to stop it. And when they think they do, GT catches them off-guard with a timely pass. UNC’s defense just looked silly.

16. Bernard Pierce RB (Temple)

Weekly stats: 149 yards, 5 TD
Overall: Leads nation with 12 rushing TDs

If only he performed against Penn State in week 3, I’d gladly place the running back from my alma mater in the New York City top 5. Before that game, Temple was 15-0 when Bernard Pierce carried the ball at least 15 times. Not anymore. He averaged a measily 2.9 yards a carry and could barely find the line of scrimmage on a bunch of third down attempts.

Luckily, the Owls continue to support Pierce on the defensive side. They have the #1 defense in the nation that allows only 7.8 points a game.

96. Jimbo Fisher (Florida State)

Weekly stats: Lost to ACC-foe Clemson 35-30
Overall: Dropped 2 games after being ranked in top-5 in nation

As if following Bobby Bowden wasn’t going to be hard enough, Coach Fisher has to win over Seminoles fans with the first name “Jimbo.” The good news is they won’t play a ranked team until their season finale showdown with in-state rival Florida. The bad news is they better win all of those games.

Luck does not seem to be on Jimbo’s side either. Just as halftime started against Oklahoma in week 3, both coaches were stopped on the field to be interviewed by ESPN. Jimbo drew the short straw and had Tom Rinaldi while legend Bob Stoops was questioned by Erin Andrews. Life can be irrevocably cruel sometimes, unless of course you decide to legally change your name so women don’t say, “Jimbo? I’d rather talk to a ‘Bob.'”

262. Collapsible Goal Posts (SMU, Clemson)

Weekly stats: prevented extra costs when Clemson fans stormed the field after beating #11 Florida State
Overall: Cost efficient?

Have you seen these yet? They are hydraulic goal posts that can collapse after your average team defeats an only marginally better team. After Clemson defeated Florida State this weekend, the crowd stormed the field in celebration (which, on a side note, breaks the storming the field/court creed that states you should only storm when you have just defeated a previously undefeated team) and I noticed the goal posts already down. What an invention! Only – Does SMU really have the problem of their goal posts being torn down?

402. LaMichael James against an SEC defense (Oregon)

Weekly stats: none
Overall: still not good and NFL teams know it

We haven’t forgotten, LaMichael.

999. Al Golden’s optimism (Miami, FL University)

Weekly stats: Lost to Kansas State 28-24 after game winning touchdown was overturned
Overall: 1-2 (0-1 in ACC)

Down two spots from week 1. Defeated Ohio State, though that doesn’t really count with their situation. Coach Golden’s band of amatuer misfits lost to Maryland in week 1, and now he’s seen his former team, Temple, hand it to the Terrapins in a thrashing. Things aren’t looking up either; they have four ranked opponents still to play on their schedule.

4,339. Big East basketball (college basketball)

Weekly stats: Syracuse and Pitt announce their departure for the ACC
Overall: Just won’t be the same

Syracuse and Pitt not playing in MSG for the conference title? UCONN not making a trip to the Carrier Dome? Georgetown’s crowd not being silenced by an Orange squadron? A sad week for Big East basketball fans.

3 Responses to "Unofficial Yet Satirically Unabashed Heisman Watch | Week 4 of ’11"

  1. Casey   September 25, 2011 at 10:14 am

    Who are the first two Robert Griffins? And should we know them?

    Aggie fans would have liked Blackmon to be a little more generous.

    Travis? Any suggestions?

  2. Rey   September 25, 2011 at 10:19 am

    Robert Griffin and Robert Griffin, Jr., I presume. Why is Larry Drew II a II? Shouldn’t he be Larry Drew Jr.? Is that an option in the baby-naming process?

  3. Travis   September 25, 2011 at 11:07 am

    Where would Blackman be without a star quarterback? Oklahoma State QB Brandon Weeden leads the nation in attempts, completions, and passing yards. He set a new school record in #7 OKST’s 30-29 win over #8 Texas A&M with 438 yards. OKST is on the road to the Big 12 Conference title and Weeden, who is a former second round draft pick of the New York Yankees, will be the Big 12 QB of the year for the second straight year, no doubt.

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