Few in hockey could make us laugh like Tommy McVie

By KEVIN OKLOBZIJA

Tom McVie never played in the National Hockey League but he had one talent(?) perhaps no one in the game could match.

Not that they’d want to.

McVie could fit two pucks into his mouth at the same.

Why he ever wanted to do so, who knows. But truth be told, it was quite fitting, because what usually came out of his mouth was pure hockey poetry.

Tommy McVie, the hockey world’s unrivaled King of the One-Liner, died on Monday. He was 89.

While the native of Trail, British Columbia, never coached or played for the Rochester Americans, he made countless trips to the War Memorial as a coach of the Maine Mariners from 1982-83 through 1986-87, the Utica Devils from 1987-88 through 1990-91 and with the Providence Bruins in 1997-98.

He was the ultimate hockey lifer, spending more than 60 years in the game as a player, coach, scout and, for the past two decades, an ambassador for the Boston Bruins.

I got to know Tommy quite well through scores of conversations at morning skates, after games and over the phone. I still laugh out loud recalling some of his impromptu post-game humor.

You probably will as well.

Big-game license

After his Utica Devils played poorly in losing to the Amerks, he was quite blunt in summing up the differences between the teams.

“Their guys all look like they should be in Buffalo, our guys look like they should be in Yellowstone Park hunting buffalo.”

About your starting lineup …

The playoffs are always intense, and nerves are usually high before games. Yet here was Amerks coach John Van Boxmeer, unable to hold back his laughter just before puck drop in Utica for Game 3 of their 1990 playoff series.

So what was so funny? Something McVie said, of course.

This was the year when goalie Darcy Wakaluk was one of the AHL’s best. He went 31-16-4 and ranked fifth in the AHL in goals-against average, and rookie David Littman was his backup.

As the teams came onto the ice, Amerks defenseman Steve Smith stepped on debris and needed work done on his skate, so he was unable to take his starting shift.

Because Smith was in the Amerks announced starting lineup, referee Lance Roberts skated over to the Utica bench to inform McVie of the situation.

Roberts said something to the effect of, “Smith can’t start, so because they are making a change in their starting lineup, you’re allowed to make one change.”

Without hesitation, McVie said, “Littman for Wakaluk.”

Geography lesson

After a particularly tame game between his Utica Devils and the Maine Mariners in January of 1991, when the play of both teams resembled an Ice Capades audition, McVie said:

“Both teams thought chec-king was a city in China.”

Why so tough now?

Back in the day, the fans and nuances of arenas often provided a distinct home-ice advantage. McVie was not impressed in the spring of 1988 when, after a passive performance by Adirondack in Utica, the Red Wings played a far more physical style in Glens Falls.

“Velcro strap-on guts,” McVie said.

Check, please.

When coaching the Maine Mariners in 1986, he lamented the lack of physicality in a loss to the Moncton Golden Flames.

“These guys were just waving their sticks,” McVie said. “If they want to sweep, they should join a curling club.”

He continued.

“We looked like we had nitro glycerin in our pants and if we rubbed up against anyone, ‘Boom!’ the franchise would be gone.”

Youth movement

Upon starting the 1990-91 season with seven rookies in Utica:

“I’ve got messages on my desk older than some of these guys.”

Upon further review

McVie’s Maine Mariners lost a game at Adirondack in the mid-1980s. One obvious goal by his team was disallowed because the goal judge said the puck never entered the net. Another disputed goal against his team was allowed, in part because of what the goal judge told the referee.

Needless to say, Tommy wasn’t impressed with the off-ice officials.

“They’ve got Honest Abe Lincoln at one end,” McVie said, “and Jesse James at the other.”

Rest easy, Tommy.