Primping and Pimping

Rants From the Couch

by Bill Ribas

One thing struck me while I was watching the Yankees moments after their win over the Phillies the other morning (I used the DVR and watched after the kids got on the bus, since I fell asleep the night before), and that was the almost obscene rush to get the newly minted hats and shirts onto the players as quickly as possible. It was really hard to tell what was more important, that is, let the players bask in the glow of a victory, or get them all in the same attire so someone can make a buck. And it’s strange, because they’re already in the same uniforms, but at least with the numbers on the back you can tell who is who.

So who is making a buck off this? I’d imagine MLB wants to milk as much as possible before the snow flies, and I suppose a drunken Yankee fan’s wallet is a good place as any to start filching money. But I wonder where the impetus for all this comes from? I mean, it’s no surprise that the front page of the MLB store is pushing the products (and you can see that here). But where does the impulse come from to cover up the uniforms and heads with t-shirts and caps? And what does this say about how the game is framed?

Now don’t get me wrong, I understand if your team wins, you have a right to hoot and holler, because, after all, all that beer swilling on the couch helped your team over several bumps in the road. And yes, you might have been out of line at the bar, screaming like a madman, but again, it’s important to show your colors, to let people know what you’re all about. But how far does this go?

For example, I’m all for Lance Armstrong and his efforts to beat cancer on a global scale, but I don’t feel the need to wear a plastic yellow bracelet 24-7. Similarly, I’m as patriotic as the next guy, but I don’t need a yellow ribbon magnet on the back of my car. Nor did I have a yellow “Baby On Board” window sticker when babies were on board back in the day (come to think of it, what’s with all this yellow anyway?). So does wearing officially sanctioned garb make you a better fan?

And that’s where I think the connection comes in. For you to be a truer, better fan, you’d better pony up the dough and get these shirts and hats and other apparel before the broadcast goes off air, or you’re not as good a fan as say, the other knuckleheads who bought it all online. And to see the players wearing it, well, that’s authentication right there, because if it’s good enough for Jeter and the rest, it’s good enough for you, even if your size might be XXL (although for the really heavy big spender, the $95 New York Yankees Replica Home Jersey w/2009 World Series Champions Patch is available in a size 4XL).

It was equally stultifying to have to sit through the postgame Q&A, where it seemed like every player (including scrubs) was called up for a few pithy quotes, to give them a chance to say our fans are the best (and for beer addled Yankee fans, this is a Pavlovian moment), hoist the trophy overhead for a photo-op, and then down the line to the next player. At some point in the future, we can only hope for a postgame chat with a clubhouse janitor, explaining to Joe Buck jr. that “well, I knew when I was scraping off the chewing tobacco spit from the dugout floor in the 7th that we really had a chance to take this one” and so on.

I suppose the crass commercialism has always been a part of the game, and that with the advances in media, it just gets rammed down your throat a little bit faster, and a little bit clearer (thanks, HDTV!). To console myself, I imagine that instead of the players getting covered with t-shirts and hats, that instead the choice of attire was ballerina tutus, or yellow realtor jackets, or clown shoes. Something other than the certified by MLB attire (oh, and who doesn’t like it when the hang tags are still there?). And by the way, if you want a Tervis Tumbler, go to the source and not the MLB site and save yourself a buck or two.

Maybe with all the money MLB makes from selling all this swag they can invest in some umpire training over the winter. At least it might make next year’s playoffs and series more fun to watch. But as fans, all we can do is sit back and watch. Well, that and buy overpriced shirts. At least it’s the same shirt as the pros wear, and that’s all that matters, right?