By Paul Gotham
Hello.
Yeah, this is Kobe Bryant. Who’s this?
Huh? You are callin’ me? Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?
I know I gotta game tomorrow.
Last time I checked. Yeah, it’s a game 7.
Don’t worry I’ll have my game face on.
Enough with the Battier talk already. He’s not the first guy in the league to defend the shot by putting a hand in the face.
You do know I scored 32 the other night, right?
So I missed 16 shots. What of it?
I know I only made 11. Look man, shooters gotta shoot. Some nights it’s all good. Other nights – you gotta take the good with the bad.
Is that what this is about? My three assists the other night were more than anyone else on the team.
Battier had four? Talk to me when he wins an MVP.
If you think Artest is in my head, you’re screwier than I thought. You can just call him the big, bad wolf. ‘Cause he’s huffin’ and puffin’ but I don’t see him blowin’ down any house.
So Scola is abusin’ Gasol and Bynum in the post? What do you want me to do about it? I can only defend one guy at a time.
Pressure the post-entry? Who are you? Coach Knight?
Yeah Brooks owns Fish. I’m not the coach. Ask the Zen master why he doesn’t give Farmar more time.
Talk all you want about Yao, McGrady, and DiKembe. The Rockets are still putting professionals on the floor.
What do you mean my legacy?
History will show me as a three-time champion, all-defensive team, and an MVP.
Shaq, Shaq, Shaq – I have heard this all before. Until you get on the floor, you should just keep your opinions to yourself. I’ve taken my team to the finals without him.
Did you watch any of last year’s finals? If Stern and his boys weren’t havin’ such a love fest with resurgent Celts we might have had a chance.
Trust me. We’ll get to the finals. I will put LeBron in his place.
This is hilarious. And personally, I think Kobe’s demeanor would be exactly as you have it. Nonchalant, no worries, I’m Kobe. And hey, if we lose, everyone else is to blame, not me, Mr. MVP and three-time champion. Mr. 81.
I think Farmar has to play more tomorrow for the Lakers. Fisher cannot keep Brooks in front of him and Farmar will push the ball and keep the tempo up. The Lakers are undefeated these playoffs when they score 100 or more and have lost every game when they score less than 100. I think they should double down on Scola EVERY TIME and make Battier and everyone else beat them with the 3 ball.
I can’t wait to see the Spike Lee documentary tonight on ESPN, “Kobe Doin’ Work.” It should be funny, sad, condescending, and everything in between all at once.
Perhaps the craziest thing that I have seen (and this gets completely overlooked) is Battier LEAVING Kobe to double in the post. It is like he is taunting him. I love it!!!!