10. Gets winded putting on his socks.
9. Hard slide into second triggers life-alert pendant.
8. While playing outfield, yells at teammates to get the hell off his lawn.
7. When buying performance-enhancing drugs, gets the AARP card out.
6. Claims he killed President McKinley with a line drive.
5. Often begins sentences, “As Shoeless Joe Jackson once told me…”
4. He’s almost as old as the hot dogs — seriously, have you ever eaten one of those things?
3. Lost part of his career fighting in World War I.
2. During interviews, he thanks the Lord and the makers of Super Poligrip.
1. When he’s in the on-deck circle, asks bat boy, “What did I come in here for?”
11. When asked what underlies his success, he starts reply with “Well, depends …”
11. When asked what underlies his success, he starts reply with “Well, depends …”
12. When leaving field after 3 outs to go bat, leaves glove on field of play. (they used to do that, ya know)
Wally
I don’t really want to do this…I really shouldn’t say this…
13. Tells the story about when the Cubs won the World Series
Ouch! Hey, anyone can have a bad century!
Wally
Z-Dubbs,
Wow! Slammin’ on your own squad.
14. Can only play home games!
15. Gets both the inside and the outside of his uniform dirty while playing
16. Only uses steroids for his hemroids
Refers to the A’s as the team from Philly that plays in Shibe Park.