We all know the story. Chicken Little is out in the garden when she gets bopped in the head by an acorn. The nut throws her into a tizzy, and she thinks the world is comin’ to an end. Well, take a look around all you Henny Pennies and Turkey Lurkeys. The sports world is turning upside down.
The NBA has sprinkled a few thumbnuts around. The first round of the playoffs is drawing to a close, and where are Shaq and Kobe? At the driving range? At the recording studio dropping a beat? Avoiding Denver at all costs? I don’t know where they are, but they are certainly not in uniform.
The two pillars of the recent Laker dynasty that won 67 regular season games and three consecutive NBA titles accounted for one measly playoff win this year. Yeah, that’s one win between two teams. As we all know Shaq and Kobe couldn’t get along while they were giving the rest of the league a beat down. No, just couldn’t be happy. They were Jen and Brad before… well Jen and Brad. And kinda like Brad came out of the break up lookin’ pretty good as he ran into the arms of Angelina, Shaq found a suitable running mate with D-Wade while Kobe settled for his Vince Vaughn in Lamar Odom.
Now Shaq is looking more like the LSU Tiger that couldn’t keep up with Christian Laettner. I hope this doesn’t mean that Brad is gonna get sick of all Angelina’s philanthropy. Do you think Brad would leave Angelina and return to Jen? Do you think we could ever see a Jen-Brad-Angelina group hug? Probably as much chance as seeing Kobe increase his assist totals.
Hey Kobs, did you notice what T-Mac did the other night?!?!?!? He couldn’t get it to drop, so he started dishing the rock…to the tune of thirteen assists. Kobe, you take soooo many shots that your teammates wouldn’t know what to do if they had a chance to shoot.
More NBA nuts keep plopping on our noggins. I don’t care what happens tonight. The fact that the Golden State Scrap Heap has taken three games from the Mavs is almost laughable. Holy Nate Thurmond a Golden State win would be a bigger upset than…than…the ’81 Rockets taking down Show Time. At least the Rockets had Moses ‘All-Alone’ Malone, Cal Murphy, Rick Barry, Rudy T., Allen Leavell, Elvin Hayes, and Bill Paultz. Golden State has Baron ‘Clyde’ Davis, Al Harrington, Stephen Jackson, a whole lotta mo and Nellie.
Maybe Nellie is all they need. Nellie started off the series by proclaiming his boys to be not worthy of the Mavs’. Nellie went fishin’ and Dirk ‘n’ company took the bait. They believed Nelson’s hype. Beyond that, Don Nelson lets his guys play. Yeah, they make mistakes, but they are mistakes of aggression, and when the play is made, it is over, and they move on!!! Man, I love watching this team play. Good luck Dirk! You’re gonna need it.
MLB is also tossin’ some wing screws. Mariano Riviera started the season by blowing two saves. GASP!!!!! Mo followed that by giving up four consecutive hits to the Sox. Double GASP!!!! I never thought deer in the headlights could be used to describe Riviera, but his head was spinning so much I thought he was going to start having back spasms. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say Mariano was doing his best to impersonate Nuke LaLoosh.
Mo is not the only one. Jonathan Papelbon hung up a bagel for his April ERA. He liked that so much, he gave up two runs to the A’s while blowing his first save of the year. Yo Paps!!!! Buckle down. I don’t care if you’re not old enough to know any better, but the rest of us remember Bucky Friggin’ Dent. These games are important!!!!
Alas Bill Belichik caught a few of us by surprise. The Pats’ have built a dynasty around character guys. Players they could count on from game to game. Guys willing to restructure a contract for the good of the team. Guys willing to take one for the team. Then Belichik blows it all out of the water and drafts Brandon Meriweather from the University of Miami. The same Brandon Meriweather who missed games this past season because of his involvement in shady dealings. He loved that so much that Belichik traded for renowned malcontent, Randy Moss. What a coup!!!! Only Belichik could pull this one off.
That’s not all. The reigning Stanley Cup champs, Carolina Hurricanes, couldn’t qualify for the post season. And now Martin Brodeur and the vaunted Devil defense seem anything but vaunted. Dany Heatley and the Senators appear ready to dispense of New Jersey. Is there anything left for a sports fan to depend upon? Next thing you know Jaromir Jagr will get caught back-checking.
Even things across the pond have run amuck. Chelsea and Manchester United, numbers one and two in the English Premier League, appeared destined to meet in the Champions League Final. Someone forgot to tell Liverpool and AC Milan of these plans. The Reds toppled Chelsea with penalty kicks, and AC Milan throttled Man U by the count of 3 to nil. Blimey!!!!!!
If that’s not enough,Marvel Comics announced the death of Steve Rogers. No more Captain America!?!?! What’s this world comin’ to???????
Maybe the sky isn’t falling. I don’t know. Someone throw me a parasol…gimme shelter from the storm. Hah! A little Dylan for y’all. Keep the faith!
jason22 says
just got my GOLDEN STATE ‘WE BELIEVE’ t-shirt!
Go Warriors!
https://moeschwag.com/gostofmiwebe.html
Muels says
Does Clemens signing for the Yanks add to the sky falling? Glad the Saux didn’t pay 28 mil for him, but wish the Yanks didn’t. My big question though is what happens if Roger is not the Roger the Yanks expect and they have now spent George’s allowence for the year? Does this push Joe Torre out the door that much faster? How about Cashman? Should be veeeerrry ianterestinnnggg…
Great comment from someone reacting to Roger’s signing–
Roger would sign with Al Queda for $29 mil-
harsh, but closer to the truth than we might think…
Just remember, it’s only May…