First let’s log this not under what Smitty says, but what is rattling around in Smitty’s brain. I am going to be honest – I have been trying to avoid ESPN since about 10:00pm EST pm, Sunday night. For the 30 seconds I have watched ESPNsince, Eli Manning and images of David Tyree’s insane catch late in the game immediately came to the screen. Enough said. I am going to try and wait another week before watching ESPN. Yes, I will watch the Duke/UNC game tonight, but I won’t turn it on until the game starts and
the channel is changed as soon as the game is over. But fortunately, a great distraction has appeared – and its name is Roger Clemens. Yes, he is back and this time he testified before Congress. “I am just glad that I was finally able to tell them what I have been saying all along – I never used performance enhancing drugs.”
Today Brian McNamee was in the news as he gets ready for his turn before Congress. This time, it is a report that he has produced physical evidence. Those are key words P-H-Y-S-I-C-A-L E-V-I-D-E-N-C-E. As I was on one of the workout machines, it suddenly dawned on me. This is playing out a like a high stakes poker game. In fact, I almost expect the World Series of Poker to show this on their next show. Bear with me for a second and play along. Here it goes.
Contestants: Brian McNamee, Roger Clemens, Andy Pettite and Chuck Knoblauch
Dealer: George Mitchell
Brian McNamee has to ante up. The ante is his freedom , his reputation and the possibility that he won’t see his family for a little while.The cards are dealt and it comes all the way around to McNamee, so he bets.
McNamee: “I bet that Clemens , Pettite and Knoblauch all did performance enhancing drugs. “
Pettite: “ I don’t know what he is talking about, I think he is bluffing. I am in.”
Knoblauch: “ We thought McNamee was a toad. I am with you fellers. Count yours truly in.”
Clemens: “ McNamee, I am stunned. This is outlandish lies. In fact I sat over here not talking for the last 40 minutes, because I was just shocked at your bet. I know I didn’t do anything, so I am in too. You are a liar and you are bluffing.”
Mitchell: “ Okay here is the next card. I am out and Congress is the new dealer. Gentlemen, I am going to take my posh job with the Red Sox, you Yankees – errr I mean – gentlemen take it easy. Good luck.”
Congress: “ Okay, we are taking the next line of bets.”
McNamee: “ Okay, I am raising that Clemens used from 1999-2001 and it was partially responsible for him being so dominant during that period. After all, before he met me, he was a fat doughnut that Duquette walked out of Boston and into the sunset..”
Clemens: “ Why you……”
Pettite: “ Ummm, this is before Congress. I am going to fold as I am religious man. And actually I used HGH to “heal” my elbow and …”
Clemens:” Get you back on the field, right?”
Pettite: “Yeah, that is it.. I was doing it for the ballclub and the fans. I only did it 2-3 dozzzen times….”
Congress: “How many?”
Pettite: “ 2 or 3 times.”
Congress: “ Okay, you are kinda dismissed, but before you go, you have to tell us everything.”
Knoblauch: “ I can’t believe that you guys found me.. You know I still can’t make the throw to first.”
Congress: “That was pretty bad… Tell you what, we really don’t care about you.. Tell us what you know and you are out. “
Knoblauch: “Okay…. Can I bring my son, because I want him to know that if you do something in life, you might have to answer for it down the road.”
Congress: “Certainly. In fact, we weren’t expecting that from you. But okay..”
Clemens: “ Okay. I am going to raise McNamee. I am going to testify in front of Congress. I am going to say that he is a liar, and I never used performance enhancing drugs. I am putting my reputation on the line, as well as my place in baseball history – even the baseball HOF. I am going to throw in that I am the best pitcher in major league baseball in the last 25-30 years, maybe ever. I am all in. “
McNamee: “Okay…I am going to call. I am all in. “
Congress: “Okay Brian, let’s see your hand. It had better be good, or you will spend the next couple of years putting stick’em on your hands to prevent yourself from dropping the soap.”
McNamee: “Okay. Not only do I have the threat of jail. I have first hand knowledge of how I injected Clemens with the drugs.. ANNNNND here is the kicker.. You ready Roger. I knew you would deny it and try to defame me. So I kept some of the needles, that not only have your blood/DNA on it, but also some of the drugs too.. And I will even throw some used gauze in as a going away present.”
Congress: “Sounds like a Royal Flush. Roger, what do you have?”
Clemens: “ Apparently a perjury charge and a lifetime of watching others be inducted into the HOF while I sit on the outside. Pete Rose, just became my best friend. “
Congress: “McNamee wins and Clemens….ahhh can you come with us please.”
Well after all of this went through my head. Hey I was on the machine for awhile, so back off. I thought to myself, who wins in all of this? And the answer: no one and probably the biggest loser in all of this, is not Roger Clemens, but the fans of baseball.
And suddenly I wished I was watching Pats/Giants highlights.
Wait – I was gonna comment but I got distracted. Man, Seymour had a really good hold of Eli’s jersey. How did he get away?
How much time do you think elapsed while that pass to Plaxico hung in the air?
I love these highlights.
Casey
Grrrrrr… I hope the ashes burn..
…and, how did Tyree hang onto that ball? Did he have stick ’em on his helmet? How did Rodney Harrison not knock that ball away? Was he too busy worrying about whether he’d be called to Congress to testify about HGH?
Hey,
Yo man, how does someone get in on this game? Me ‘n mah boy Sammy want in.
Miggy T.
What motivates someone to save old syringes and gauze?