By Aaron M Smith
First let me go on the record as saying that I am happy Tiger Woods is returning sooner rather than later to the PGA Tour. However, I am not in favor of Tiger making his return to the Masters. I know, I know – Augusta National officials have a different opinion about Tiger coming back to Masters. Trust me – I get it. But for me, the Masters are sacred and Tiger’s return is going to be a media circus. The circus doesn’t belong at Augusta National.
Over the last few days, I have listened to experts say how the Masters is the perfect for Tiger’s return. The familiarity of the Masters for Tiger, Augusta’s ability to control the media and the cordial fans – should allow Tiger to play without distraction. Really? I am always up for a challenge, how about you?. How do we distract Tiger Woods at the Masters? Well, I have brought it upon myself to come up with a list of ways to distract Tiger – some plausible, some ridiculous. Here they are:
10. During Tiger’s first press conference, which I am sure is going to be interesting – have Tiger Wood’s wife, Elin Nordegren sitting in the front row, taking notes.
9. Have the course marshals trade in their uniforms for priest costumes.
8. Replace those familiar Masters flags on each hole with familiar choices from Victoria Secret. If you don’t know – ask Tiger.
7. As Tiger is hitting his approach to one of the greens have spectators hold up pictures of Rachel Uchitel. Ouch!
6. If Tiger hits a drive that is headed wayward – course marshals yell “Fifty.” See if he notices the difference.
5. As Tiger approaches the 18th green, the gallery serenades him with the Righteous Brothers, ” You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling.”
4. Get fellow golfers that are golfing with him to clean their clubs while he is trying to hit and say, “Oh yeah, that feels good..”
3. Some of the golfers can gain new sponsors – like Viagra and Cialis. A new golf bag with that new sponsorship should certainly provide a distraction.
2. Have Dr. Phil waiting on the first tee box. “Tiger, let’s talk….”
1. This was already suggested on this site, so I can’t take credit. If you are paired with Tiger Woods on Sunday – hire a Playboy Bunny to be your caddy on Sunday.
In all seriousness, I wish Tiger Woods the best in his return to golf. But we can have a little fun, right Tiger? Sorry that was a low blow. I promise I’ll stop..
Got a way to distract Tiger Woods? Let’s hear it.